'Fastest "you're fired" ever': Over-employed worker gets fired in 28-second phone call

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    Woman with brown hair resting peacefully in white bed and white bedroom
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    To make a long story short, this shitty J2 I had quiet quit for a while now put an HR call on my calendar first thing in the morning.
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    I get the notification while In bed on my phone and join the meeting "Hello?"
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    "Hi we're calling to inform you that we are terminating your employment effective immediately"
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    "Okay, any severance?" "No" "Okay, thanks" hangs up goes back to sleep
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    This is why we OE meanwhile I start their replacement in 1.5 weeks.
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    In other words I think that might've been the quickest HR call of all time, has anyone had any faster times? The exact time was 28 seconds
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    Commenters were delighted at this tale of an employee who got away with their scheme

    Big_Comfortable5169 "Hi OP, I'm from HR and I'm calling to terminate your employment." "Wait which company are you calling from?" "[J3]" "Oh thank god"
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    HR: GIF
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    chaos_battery My fastest firing was when they didn't tell me at all. They just cut network access. They also let me drift for like 8 months without any real check-ins or assignments. I wish I could find a hundred more like that.
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    oboshoe My 16 year career at a company came to an end with about a 90 second phone call. I was a middle manager and I came to know though my personal network that my new boss was going to fire me. Because I was management I knew that Monday was layoff day.
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    I also knew they grossed up certain payments such as Cobra advancement, so I maxed out my withholding that the gross up would be larger. On Monday when the call came, my boss started blabbing and I cut him off "Shutup Jonathon. Just send me the e- letter package". He meekly said Ok and the call was over".
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    Even though I got about 2 years of pay in severance, it still really sucked as I loved that company and it was all ruined by one asshole. (He didn't last long, he flamed out less than a year later, but the damage was done)
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    Mock01 My CTO decided to call my cell phone. from Teams (so unknown number), while I was on vacation. When I didn't answer, he moved on to the next person on his list to let go. About an hour later, he did an all hands and told the team who all was let go. Then people started sending me messages about how sorry they were that this happened to me. By 3pm, they
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    finally just emailed my personal email to tell me that I was laid off. I gave them a lot of crap about how poorly planned and unprofessional it was. "Is it normal policy to announce to teams that someone has been laid off, before you actually lay them off?" So, I guess I technically had a 0 second call?
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    scrizewly I wasn't OE, but I worked for a very large public safety company for about a year and a half. I worked 60+ hour weeks regularly and worked holidays and late nights to facilitate customers in Alaska and Hawaii. My boss schedules a 4 person conference in the middle of a Tuesday with him, 2 people whose names I didn't immediately recognize, and myself. I check the names and they are both HR folks. Uhh...ok. I attend the meeting and once I join he states "Hello,
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    Scrizewly, due to performance issues. we've decided to let you go. The 2 ladies from HR here with us will go over your off boarding. Good luck with your future" and then disconnected the call. He disconnected the call less than 10 seconds after I joined. I received no PIP, no warnings, no letters of reprimand and no complaints from customers.
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    Come to find out the week before there was a survey sent around that asked if the company were to remove the "remote first" mindset from their employment stance if you'd be willing to relocate to Scottsdale, Arizona. I'd imagine everyone that said no got let go for "performance issues". 25k in severance and I had a new job the following Monday. Thanks I guess.
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    wickedpizzle Best one I had was a group call of like 20 of us. If you are in this meeting you are toast. And then he bailed and let HR answer questions.
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    Man in black shirt faces right and holds iPhone to ear, to the right is a woman sleeping in an all white bed and bedroom

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